Peace, Tony, Devil Pt 6

I sit at the bus stop waiting to go to birthing class. Next to me on one side is a middle aged man and on the other a young couple are fighting. They have a cask of wine between them. The couple makes me uneasy and the middle aged man keeps looking up from his book at them and then at me, as if I, too, were a deviation from normal society. I stare almost at my knees. My belly distracts me as I try to keep to myself.

The bus arrives and the couple gets on in front of me. The older man sees the trouble I’m having with the step and offers me his arm. I thank him timidly and truly appreciate the gesture. The driver looks at me oddly as he counts my change.

I arrive at the community hall where the classes are held and search for Antonia’s Hummer. My palms seem sweatier than normal. I didn’t think I was this nervous about being around her again but my body feels differently. I almost run into Audra as she is leaving the hall. She nods hello but doesn’t say anything. I see Antonia talking to Colette. I rub my hands on my shirt and approach them.
‘Hi Tony,’ Antonia grins at me. Colette looks at me and tilts her head.‘Hi Antonia, Colette,’ I return her smile.
‘You’re still free after this?’
‘Yeah,’ I wipe my hands again. ‘Well, I didn’t want to interrupt. See you afterwards,’ I slink off wishing I wasn’t so awkward.

After class I meet Antonia by the door and we walk through the drizzly evening to her Hummer. I get in and wind down the window. I attempt some chatter about the class but Antonia seems bored by it.

Arriving at her house I am astounded by the newness of the neighbourhood. I didn’t imagine she would be one to live a new suburban offshoot. That said, I still want to think she owns the Hummer in an ironic way. But I guess not.

Her house is no different to the others around it: a sterile looking place. The manicured lawn and lack of any garden makes it seem like a display house, not a home. I feel uneasy, like I am trespassing. This is not where I belong and it isn’t what I pictured for Antonia.

She tells me her husband is on a business trip. I feel even more like I should not be here. I like her so much and I have no idea what she expects of me. As I step over the threshold it’s like I see nothing. There is furniture and such but nothing else; there are no trinkets or magazines strewn around. It is a display house: void of any personal touch. In the kitchen she fills the kettle and pulls a cheesecake from the fridge.
‘Wow,’ I say, ‘did you make that?’
‘Ha, I’m no good at baking. It’s from the local bakery.'
‘It looks delicious,’ my mouth is watering. ‘Can I see your baby’s room?’
‘I guess,’ I knew she wouldn’t offer on her own and I would like to see what it looks like.

She takes me to the only almost colourful room in the house. By that I mean, the walls aren’t white: they are off-white, tinged with blue. The contents are neatly aligned and brand new. I see the box of a flat packed cot, similar to the one I bought and the assembled product near the window and marvel.
‘How long did it take Lachlan to assemble that?’ I ask, gesturing.
‘Lachlan?’ She snorts, ‘I did it in about twenty minutes. Lachlan isn’t handy to save his life.’
I laugh a little, unsure if this is the right response.
‘C’mon, I’ll make you some tea,’ Antonia gently sighs.

Back in the kitchen Antonia fixes a pot of tea, cuts some cake and we move to the dining table. We fumble for a suitable topic of conversation. I ask her about Lachlan’s job, she looks bored. I ask her about her job, she looks bored. Then I ask her what she and Colette were talking about this evening and her face brightens marginally. She tells me that Audra’s family is pressuring Audra to move interstate to look after her father. Audra is seriously considering it and Colette is furious and refuses to move. We drink our tea and the conversation drifts lazily. It’s all inconsequential stuff but I feel my fondness for her growing.

Antonia is yawning now and I tell her I’ll go. She offers to drive me home and I accept; I would get lost in this suburban wasteland.

As I close the door to my apartment exhaustion winds me like an elbow to the stomach. I brush my teeth and slide into bed. For what seems like hours but is probably only minutes I cannot settle myself. My mind runs over the stilted conversation with Antonia and I wonder what she really thinks of me.

‘I love you, Tony. I love you and your unborn child.’ Her voice soothes me.