what happens when you try to portray real people you know

[this work is a collaboration of eabieland and myself]

[say! Hello there! Fine then, I won't write that, you're not a shit friend. Not into the story]

SUKIE-SADIE : DOWN THE RABID HOLE

Sukie-Sadie sidled into the setting sun. Sweating, Sukie-Sadie said, "Wow, it's hot in here, there must be a hole in the atmosphere!"
Sukie is a Spacecat.
"Take that cruel world!" says Sukie-Sadie Spacecat.

At that precise moment Fax McDougall was pondering his own inner anguish and sobbing, his mascara running away, sick of the pain, sobs drowned out by soft-core/hard/rad/screamo/emo/faux-punk playing full blast, inside his darkened room.

"If only I hadn't dreamed about the cow princes," he weeps, "Now it is a dream Vs. scream duel and I'm in it to the hilt."
For you see this story is about cow princes, and their dark secret and Sukie-Sadie Spacecat, their saviour. It also contains a supportive narrative about a deer in a cardigan.
"Exactly!" says Fax, "How did you know?"
Because I'm the narrator! Shut up! You don't know I'm here!

Anyway

Sukie-Sadie Spacecat was sitting, wishing, waiting at the entrance to the Rabid Hole, entranced. A rabbit kitten will provide her with the strength she needs to face her destiny. Protecting the true identities of the cow princes being held captive on planet Earth was not going to be as easy as she first surmised.

A hip trend was occuring in the more fashion concious alternate universes. It was becoming increasingly common for the princes to be metamorphosed into cows and deposited onto the planet Earth in the thirty ninth universe.*

[*The word universe is used to avoid confusion for the people of Earth 39 and also to represent a whole bunch of germs in dog slobber.]


To solve the problem of not having a prince anymore 'regular' cows are taken back to the universe disposing of the prince and elected to run the nation. Sometimes, accidentally, a cow prince was mistaken for a regular cow and taken back. However, this often posed no problem as it should be noted, that the interests of a cow and a prince are rather similar, as are speech patterns.

Sukie-Sadie Spacecat handles the protection of the identities of the cow princes* from the inhabitants of Earth thirty ninth, the only alternate universe with cows.

[* There's times to write, and there's times to eat chips]

"Mreow," says Sukie-Sadie Spacecat.
Sukie-Sadie Spacecat has become aware of a new threat to the cow princes. A being of unknown origin was menacing some of the individuals of Eath 39th.
Sukie-Sadie Spacecat knew him to be a creature of the most sinister kind, visiting individuals in dreams and alerting the people of Earth thirty ninth in other subtle ways to the existance of the imposter cows.
He was a menace, no doubt. The masked "Deer in a Cardigan" haunted her at every turn, flaunting his right to divulge knowledge. How dare he ?!?
His meddling had seen her take out her sabre more than one time, of recent times, surely the authorities were beginning to suspect ??!
Ominous, timess, ominous, ominous, ominous.

Ominous.

Fax McDougall was sitting in his dark room comtemflecting about the strange facts [were they fax?] presented by the facts presenter, the masked "Deer in a Cardigan." Little did he know, his knowledge of the cow princes true identity put him in perilous danger of Sukie-Sadie Spacecat.

"What are you doing, son?" asks Stats, Fax's father.

"I'm just contemflecting the facts presented to me by Masked Deer in a Cardigan when he came to me in my dream last night," answered Fax.

"What's that, son?" Stats was hard of hearing.

"Nothing," mumbled Fax.

"Oh, nothing," says Stats.

Fax was imagining his boyfence going out wiht other ladies. It broke his he-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-art.
He thought this odd and wondered why he was thinking this as he didn't have a boyfence and wasn't a lady.
Truth be told, he was channelling
Sukie-Sadie Spacecat, thinking her thoughts while she probed his mind to find out what he knew about the cow princes.

"Well, what if he loves the other ladies, and never sees me again?" thinks Sukie,
"My pride would be damaged, I would have to go after him with my sabre and wreak revenge! REVENGE!"

All of a sudden Fax was feeling the desire to taste blood, cat-boyfence blood.
"I'll teach you to get around with other ladies! ARRRR GHAA!" he screams as he kicks down his door and leaps out onto the street.
"I NEED A SABRE! WHERE IS MAH SABRE?!"

"Em," says Sukie-Sadie Dougall,"I think I might have your sabre."

Fax McSpacecat looked down and saw a tragic emo-cat brandishing a sabre. Fearsome, confusing, tragic?

Sukie-Sadie Dougall realised when she was probing the young chaps mind for information on the masked deer cardigan she had inadvertantly caused the two of them to swap egos, and stuff.

Upon this realisation, she felt an overwhelming desire to hear some simple plan, or my chemical romance...and then maybe put on some tight pants and make shallow lacerations to her forearm.

But Sukie-Sadie Dougall realised he didn't have forearms, need pants or know what my chemical romance was. He did realise he was going to have to fight Fax McSpacecat for his right to keep the knowledge entrusted to him by the masked Deer in a Cardigan an unsecret, and for his life.

Fax McSpacecat had another dilemma altogether, how would she dispose of Fax's body and return to her own, when he had the sabre?

"FIGHT ME BITCH!"

To this day, historians and experts disagree about who spoke the infamous words, some say McDougall, some say Spacecat, some say it was added to the story later, some say it was the deer in masked cardigan himself.
This issue of confused identity, and the origin of the words becomes trivial when the fight ensues.

err... BAM! POW! HIT!

MREOW, SCREETCH!
SLASH! CRACK! OW!

EXPLODE!

!

anyway, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt,
[Yes, you Vonnegut] [[we'll show you what for!]]

It was a quiet day, perfect for sitting out in the garden. And so it was good that Fax McDougall, Sukie-Sadie Spacecat and the Masked Cardigan Deer were all sitting in the garden, enjoying cake...and tea!

"I bet you Ben Hyde is worrying his pretty little head about where he's going to get two clams," mused the Masked Deer in a Cardigan, not realising how much he had to do with Ben Hyde's need for two clams.

Sukie-Sadie Spacecat had an unusual way of devouring her food, dissolving it slowly, this is, of course, irrelevant.