Peace, Tony, Devil Pt 2

We go to a trendy café, and sit on the street. I ask about her husband. I’ve only met him once; he seems to be nice enough. Bland though, so bland. Antonia is so sweet and bizarre. I sometimes wonder why she settled for him. Her response is perfunctory and she quickly changes the topic. She doesn’t ever want to talk about him or babies. I find this a bit strange although at the same time I know how an expecting parent is questioned. It’s always the same questions. I figure she just wants a break from being a pregnant married woman when she is with me.

Instead we talk about the other women in the class. This is about all we have in common, not that this is a problem. We both have a particular fondness for Audra, Colette’s partner. She’s probably our favourite person in the class. She has guts without needing to show it. Just as Colette never misses a beat to mention the sacrifice she feels she is making, Audra will never let it slip by overlooked. Colette doesn’t tend to notice but Audra lets us all know what really occurs. In reality Colette begged and bargained with Audra to have the first child. She likes to feel she is the groundbreaker in all of her relationships. It all stems from her desire for recognition. She needs to win. Almost everything is a competition with Colette. Audra tends to balance her. She doesn’t need to win and she likes direction.

Tonight’s exercise was really about the pregnant woman (or person) in the class and most of the husbands sat around the edges of the room or milled about at the refreshment table. Only Audra and Daniel sat with their women and helped them focus. I can only think of two people in the class who aren’t absolutely terrified about what is happening to their bodies and that is Colette and myself. It seems odd that competitive Colette wouldn’t be worried about losing her figure but she truly isn’t. As long as she’s doing it first she’s not afraid of anything.

‘I think she’s amazing.’

‘Colette? Why? She’s painful.’

‘No, Audra. She amazes me. Her patience with that woman is more than admirable. You wonder how they paired up.’

‘I wonder how you and Lachlan paired up.’ Only I don’t say that last part. No one ever quite follows through with all that they are thinking.

‘It is a wonder,’ I smile at her.

We finish our milkshakes and cheesecake glad there is a baby to blame the cravings and weight on. We walk on the beach, it’s nicer at night. The funny thing about being pregnant is that strangers think that your belly is public domain and rush to touch you, to get some sense of this new life. At night not so much.

‘I can’t wait to stop working,’ huffs Antonia, ‘I’m taking eight months off, then Lachlan will take six or so then we’ll see what happens. I don’t think I will want to keep working full time after that. What about you?’

‘One fortnight left for me. Paternity leave, I get twelve months paid. I love my job. The bosses hate me though, they definitely didn’t see this coming when they hired me,’ I chuckle, “after that, who knows?”

We get back to her Hummer and she drops me to my building. I climb the stairs wearily and enter my apartment. The first thing I do when I get home is open all the windows I possibly can. I can’t abide by stale air, I feel compressed and it makes me anxious. I wonder if that’s how the baby floating inside me feels. I often wonder what it is thinking. Some people say a baby is born with all the knowledge in the universe inside them and as they grow, those first few months, all the new stimulation around them, all the wondrous things they see make them forget or repress the knowledge and they can never tell us.

I think about Antonia, her slight frame and her swelling belly. I slowly repeat everything she said to me tonight to myself in her soulful voice. I don’t know if it’s a talent or magic but I can talk in any voice I can imagine. So when I say these words to myself it is her voice I and the walls around me hear. It is a trick that is more useful than you can imagine, my boss thinks I have a wife. She sometimes calls in sick for me.